The First Christmas

Merry Christmas! Now that the holidays are almost past. I think it is time to talk a little. I have a lot of things on my mind. And alot of them have been brought to mind due to the holiday. I love halloween, because you get free candy and you can dress up and have fun . And then theres Thanksgiving, a time to make good food and be thankful for what you have. I love thanksgiving. Yum food. But then again I do love food. And then there is Christmas. I love and dislike this holiday all in one. Holidays have been so commercialized it all about selling product and not the meaning of the actually holiday. Speaking of that I heard a lady back in September talking about the 9/11 three day weekend. Umm that is not why you get 9/11 off you are supposed to remember what happened that day. Anyways back on topic . I spent alot of my holiday season trying to figure out what to get my husband and what toys to get caspian. But really what I really should of been focused on was more on the meaning of Christmas rather than the presents. Though I have to admit I love being a giver. I love being able to make and buy stuff for the people I love. This year I made "burnt" orange marmalaide .. Let me tell you me and marmalaide are not very good friends. However stressful it was to make them i still enjoyed doing it. And then at last minute throwing something together for Ali and Frank because they both deserve more than just marmalaide for Christmas. I enjoy it. But in the years to come I want Caspian to know the meaning of Christmas is not waking up to open presents but to celebrate the birth of Christ. I still want to buy him gifts but i don't want an over abundance of stuff. There is no need. On to the topic of toys. Thank you to the companies that make good ole fashioned toys and not those abnoxious ones. Looking around trying to find what to get an almost 11 month old is hard. We don't have alot of space and he is usually happier with plastic bottles than his toys . So I was going through and buying some small things trying to think of that one big item i would like to get him. I was hard so much stuff you really don't need. We ended up getting him a xylophone. And he loves it. No batteries required. I mean how many toys do they really need. I would rather have books. Awe, we got Caspian a nice leather bound copy of the Chronicles of Narnia. I really hope he loves it. I am glad that the hussel and bussel of the holidays are over. Maybe my kitchen will actually start to be clean some one .... instead of being full of dirty dishes from baking and stuff.. And being to busy to actually clean them. My days off were spent running earrands and everything in between. It will be nice not to have to run all over the world. Though with the new year around the corner there are alot of other thing instore for us this year. Caspian turns one in a month ish, we are also getting him baptized. I turn 24. We will be married for 2 years. And maybe we will be able to buy us a house. I am excited for the new year and am glad it is here. Lets pray that this year will be wonderful one and may God bless us. Merry Christmas everyone.

Bah Humbug :(

I am so ready for the holidays to be over. I forget how much stress comes from them, or the stuff that happens around them... Not that i want to miss my son's 1st birthday but I figured out the Feb 21st is like the best day to skip to you are past valentines day and it will be relaxing enough until Easter Brunch. What's the point of Holidays if i never get to celebrate any of them . I think im ready for a lifestyle change.... i think... im just stressed.... i need relaxing time.... never have relaxing time... on the go 24/7.... time .... for ... a....break....

Thanks!

As the final day of November has arrived , I am still puzzled at where the last couple months have disappeared to. I feel like yesterday was August and we are now approaching December. I never understood how time flies but let me tell you it flies. The holidays bring a bit of extra flying time with it. As one date arrives and the others right around the corner. Since Thanksgiving has just been here . I have wanted to post thanks. Due to work and a crazy weekend following Thanksgiving it has taken me till today to post.

It has been one tough year. Having a kid ,dealing with finances and work. As well as juggling a relationship on the mere few hours we get to spend together in the week, is far more difficult than imagined. But here is what i am thankful for:

~ My husband! If it wasn't for Shawn there would be a lot of things I would of never been able to do. He is always there when I need him. And it is hard for the both of us that we do not get to spend much time together, but the time spent together is cherished.

~Caspian! Caspian has changed my world and flipped it up side down. I would do anything for him and so glad God has blessed me with him.

~Both of My families- biological and married into family. If it wasn't for all of my family I would have such a hard time. Thank you Mom, dad, Caitlin, Bre, Mandy, Ali, Frank, Courey, Sharon and Family,Grandma Marlene, and everyone else too.

~Home, I am so thankful that my family has a apartment to call home. I know that so many people are struggling financially (so are we) and might not be able to have a home of there own. I am so glad that we can fight to keep ours.

~My job. I am still struggling with the previous change at work . And still having a hard time couping with it. But I thank God everyday for giving me this job when he did and that i still have it now. the only job i've held this long. 2 yrs 2 weeks and counting.

~ Mops! Let me tell you that in the few months i have attended . I have met some great ladies and hope to make some lasting friendships. It is just great to have a place where i can relax.

I am sure there are things that i have left off. But for now off the top of my head these are the most important. Above all of those I am Thankful for God. I am trying hard to get back in to the swing of things with God. I have been off this track for a long time, but i want Caspian to know the Lord and see it as an important step. I am excited to see the holiday coming , and just around the corner is Caspian's 1st birthday... But that is another blog. Thanks for everything!

A Cycle

I have recently discovered that i have a cycle.... The weekends im like a zombie i feel dead and, nothing gets done around the house and everything gets messy again after i spent the whole week cleaning it up. It so annoying. I work so hard to get it to where i want it for it just to get back to where i don't want it in just a few mer days. With the holidays coming up it just makes everything so much more difficult. I just hope that i will be able to find a balance soon. I am getting tired of trying so hard for it to go no where... In other news in the last week caspian has started walk, and his cousin santino came to visit from germany. I am excited about the holidays. Just hope everything goes well with work and the holidays... I can get stressful and over work you.... well off to clean.

Things to work on...

Its nice to be able to get out and about and meet with other women and just relax. 2 hrs I don't have to worry about cas and 2 hrs when shawn is a work. Stress free until I leave. Then the reality of life kicks back into gear . Oh the holiday season is upon us... the start of 6 day work weeks has arrived. I am not happy. the stress of what to do for Halloween, what to make for thanksgiving and what to get people for Christmas has arrived. With Halloween a few days away its all well and good. I have my costume and caspian has his. We have are plans and i am super excited. We have decided that we are going to keep Christmas simple. Just get each others a few things, not spending much over 50 per each of us and just get cas a few things. He doesn't need a lot he doesn't get the concept of the whole thing yet. I also don't want him to expect crazy outrageous Christmas's later on in life because Christmas is about Christ not presents. I on the other hand and still struggling with a few things. Its hard for me, to be where i am at right now. Its a struggle everyday. If it wasn't for shawn and Cas i would have such a harder time. I am working on some things right now. All in my head. Just breathe.... I need to start thinking before i speak... stay calm.... and breathe. What we talked about mops totally pertains to what i've been thinking about lately.Now its just getting everything worked on.

Working on Life

Everyday is a new page in my book. And some days are harder to write than others. i have decided that i should make goals for each day and maybe that will help me with the harder days and make the other days feel more accomplished. There has been alot going on. Caspian takes up so much of my time. In less than four months he will be a year old. I still don't know where the last 8 ish months have gone. Work is hard. I still have things I am dealing with. It makes 3 plus days of the week alot harder. Being able to spend my free time doing things i love help but lately we haven't has the time. Trying to organize and baby proof the apartment. working on getting rid of clothes that I don't fit in or don't wear any more. Hopefully organizing and simplifying will make things around the house easier. Which in turn will make more free time for things i love. Time with my family, crafting, photography, etc. Its that time of year to start thinking about the holidays... starting with halloween, then thanksgiving, then christmas followed by new years. Hopefully going to have a harry potter halloween party, and going trick or treating (already got mine and Caspian's costume). Dom , Vanessa, and santino are here for thanksgiving! We are thankful that they are going to be here . Excited about christmas it will be Caspians 1st !!!! Working on what i am going to make for everyone and what to get my husband and son. Got one of my christmas presents already... yes i picked it out . i am excited about it. and then new years... not so excited about that holiday. I am working on some of my issues. It helps that I have shawn and some of my friends from my MOPS group. It helps I have other friends too. If i didn't have some of these people i would be a wreck. I hope that by changing how i approach the day .

Wo

Neglect

Ode I have neglected you. Life is crazy and I've needed to talk. But sometimes there just isn't any time. In the past month things have been hard. I didn'tget the position at work that I wanted. Still trying to deal with that still and it is hard. Then after that things just seemed to be all over the board. The things that go on in life that are difficult are not things that you grow up getting prepared for. Man life can dish it out. Lately it just seems if its not one thing its another . And in the past month since I have last written I had 3 awesome days Sept. 12-14th . All the others were either okay or bad .. and I had one awful day the 15th was the worst day i have had in a while. Almost lost my iPod( it works so far we will just have to wait and see), just got my ass kicked at work, and all was crazy. I'm on my 6th day straight of work and from from Tuesday to today I have worked 48.5 hours, plus I still have today to work. I so can not wait for tomorrow. I am going to be so lazy. Just trying to figure things out and get things going in the right direction.

Neglect

Ode I have neglected you. Life is crazy and I've needed to talk. But sometimes there just isn't any time. In the past month things have been hard. I didn'tget the position at work that I wanted. Still trying to deal with that still and it is hard. Then after that things just seemed to be all over the board. The things that go on in life that are difficult are not things that you grow up getting prepared for. Man life can dish it out. Lately it just seems if its not one thing its another . And in the past month since I have last written I had 3 awesome days Sept. 12-14th . All the others were either okay or bad .. and I had one awful day the 15th was the worst day i have had in a while. Almost lost my iPod( it works so far we will just have to wait and see), just got my ass kicked at work, and all was crazy. I'm on my 6th day straight of work and from from Tuesday to today I have worked 48.5 hours, plus I still have today to work. I so can not wait for tomorrow. I am going to be so lazy. Just trying to figure things out and get things going in the right direction.

Changes

I know that with life there comes changes.

But I can't help it that I am one that dislike changes of any sort.

I have never liked them and never adjusted well to them.

It was a rare sort for me to up and quit my job to move to Pittsburgh.

But I did it and in turn I have a wonderful family and a great city I live in.

I know am faced with certain decisions that could affect me for the rest of my life.

Shawn and Caspian too.

Its hard doing what we do. Working opposite shifts , maybe seeing each other 30 mins a day and spending mostly half of 2 or 3 days a week together. I can't say its better or worse for the relationship. but what i can say is nothing gets done around the house because we are both tired all the time.

I want it to be so that one of us doesn't have to work as much and still the other doesn't work too much that they are never home. oh to the woes of life.

I think i have stressed my self out completely . i can't remember what else i was going to say but this is all for now.

For My Boys

I didn't love at first sight. But you were a friend, then you became my best friend. And my best friend became my love. And now you are my husband. And I wouldn't change anything for the world. You might frustrate me or make me so mad, but at the end of the day I love you. And before we found out we were expecting was some of the best days ever.
And then we found out that 2 would become 3. I wasn't expecting to expect. It threw me off . I was a bundle of emotions. But I wouldn't change a thing. We were planning our wedding and starting our life together. What better way to do that then add a bundle of joy into our life.
Almost half way threw the pregnancy you became my husband. It was hard to adjust that it wasn't going to be just you and me anymore. I was sorta being selfish by just wanting it to be me and you for a long long time. But we only had a couple more months. Now that Caspian is here I wouldn't go back and do anything differently. God had a plan and everything has fallen into the right place. You and me together forever and Caspian as well.
He came into this world and changed how I view life. Everything revolves around me taking care of them . Making sure that we are all happy. And at times it might be stressful, and i might be tired, or mad , or sad but I will not no matter what happens love my boys. I regret ever thinking that I might not want to have Caspian. Caspian I love you! And Shawn you are my rock, you hold me up when i feel like i am going to fall. I love you too!

I couldn't ask for a better set of boys. My family is the greatest thing in my life and I want the world to know. Sometimes i have a hard time showing it. So i'm just reminding you that I do love you. And reminding myself that when times are tough that you guys are here to love me too.

Summer = Busy

I've have a hard time getting any where near my computer in the last week or so. Getting ready to go on a vacation, it keeps you busy. Ali baby sat for us last Friday. She took some awesomely cute photos of Caspian (like the one above) . I've had something to do pretty much every morning before work/day off. But I have gotten things done. Got a new piece of furniture and organized the living room, got the oil and transmission fluid changed on my car, visited with Sarath and Raymond,went to the Strip (and got the stuff my family wants but can't get in Alabama) and even went on a date.

I'll start with Caspian's dr.'s apt last Monday. He went in for a weight check up. He is doing well... He now weighs 12 lbs 6 oz.

Tuesday we spent getting a new piece of furniture with Stephen and Grandma. We also had a nice lunch.Later we went to hang out with Courey and the Hartung's.Caspian saw Christina crawl and decided that it would be fun to try.

Thursday Caspian and me went to Sarath's. That was alot of fun .

Friday morning I went and got the cars transmission fluid changed. Then we had out date. Shawn and me went to lunch at Kaya , its part of the company that I work for. Then we went to see Eclipse, it was pretty good. Better than the last 2. Then we went home and shortly after that we went to the Hartung's. Caspian has now decided that he wants to crawl. It is the cutest thing in the world.

Saturday and Sunday were pretty much catching up on sleep and working. getting things done like laundry and making meals.

Then Monday we went to the Strip. Got things that my family wanted but can't get in Alabama.

Today I went grocery shopping . Then came home and napped. I also got caspian the right size shoes and swim outfit. Courey came over and hung out. Then I did the dishes. Working on getting all the bills set up to be paid while we go out of town. And starting to think about packing.

So as you can see I have been really busy. Lots of things on my mind. Needing rest. Stressed. Working . Missing time with Shawn and Cas. I forget most of what i ever want to write in here. I feel bad for neglecting my blog. But then again there are more important things than blogging.

So for now this is what is on my mind- Things we take for granted might not be around for our kids. - I read this on a journal at the bookstore the other day. And it is so true

Delayed

I wanted to post a large , descriptive post for the last week. Its been that long since I posted. Been very busy. Instead of posting i reorganized the living room. Its exciting.Planning on putting the rung in the living room tomorrow.... for now time to fix my desk.

Taking things for Granted

Its not till you don't have something that you realize how much you took it for granted. Like having a dishwasher, or an ice cube maker , 2 cars, etc. You learn to appreciate the small things. but then again sometimes its hard. I love my husband and son.... I appreciate them . I appreciate that I have job and my husbands that pays my bills . Sometimes its hard, really hardEspecially since we work opposite shifts and we don't get much time together. I get down and stressed , sometimes its hard to get back up from that. I try really hard to be the best I can for the both of them. But its tiring. And sometimes i feel like that I give all of myself to them and don't keep any of myself for me. I know thats not true but thats how it feels sometime. I appreciate my family. Thank you lord for giving me the two most awesome boys. I won't take them for granted.

The Fourth his 5th month

Caspian enjoyed watching the fireworks with me.

Caspian turned 5 months old yesterday. It's weird thinking that 5 months ago he was itty bitty and didn't do much of anything. We had a good fourth of July. We spent the day with the Degeorge's

We all laughed and giggled a lot... Caspian was so happy!
Missing one ... He's in Germany with his wife and kid.
Ali rocked Caspian to sleep twice. Though it didn't always last long .
What joy we get out of seeing him laugh...
It makes me a happier person to know that my husband and kid are happy!

If it wasn't for Courey I would probably go insane. I enjoy getting to spend time with her and become better friends. And to think that when I flew up here to met her I was scared of her.... What a crazy woman I am.
Shawn enjoyed the afternoon, ended up talking to James for a while. I am excited that James got place in Pittsburgh. Shawn really needs a guy friend around.
Me and Cas just chilling on the floor.
Just relaxing makes everything so much better.
Caspian had so much fun playing with Frank.
He loved his beard.
Laughing with Vincent....
Relaxing with Stephen.
It was a great day.

Behind and Uninspired

I am two days behind and I really feel uninspired to write anything at all.... fail...

Relax

Today we went to Ohiopyle 9 months and some odd days after we got married. We returned for the first time since we had Caspian. We meet Ali and Mikey there.

The spot close to where we stood to get married.... Now just happy to be relaxing with the family.

It's moments like these that make my heart melt. He loves Shawn so much.

Mikey took a picture of all of us hanging out. Today was as relaxing as a day gets. You toss your cell phone in the car and you enjoy your day. We sat at Thorp Knob for a while before heading to the big falls to eat lunch. Lunch was great, we pulled out blankets and ate our lunch and had fun sharing what each of us had brought. Talking about whatever came to mind.

He enjoyed being faced outwards. It was the 1st time I have done this.

Its nice to have no worries for a day, not have to worry about getting home to wash laundry or make dinner or watch our shows... Just being able to sit around and talk as long as we wanted. Go for a hike down to Cucumber falls, nothing else mattered today.

His little feet are so precious.

Walking down the hill a second time as husband and wife

Caspian was so good today. He enjoyed the day as much as we did. He laughed and smiled and jumped.

Having fun together was the best. We enjoyed hanging out with Ali and Mikey as well . It made the whole day worth while. I couldn't have asked for a better day off.

Us at Cucumber falls. We had so much fun. After we were at Ohiopyle we went to Ali's and visited some more. Stephen and Frank were there. Frank made some awesome smoked ribs for dinner . Today we lost track of time. Soon it was 8 pm and we had to go home.

Pasta

Pasta fest is always crazy. Today was crazy... Before work was good. Got a lot done , mailed stuff that needed to be mailed, went to the grocery store, and made a delicious lunch and washed the dishes.

Shawn helped out he did the laundry. That leaves us free to do what ever tomorrow.

Work was crazy... Its amazing how many people actually show up for Pasta fest. Then they have 6 line guys a preper and thats more than what we have on a busy weekend. They got there butts whipped. People were getting mad that they had to wait forever. None of the guys knew what was going on ... and the chef was just furious..

Me on the other hand spent the whole night cutting 16 # of rubarb....That took forever. I amazingly got all my stove top items cooked in and hour and a half only using one eye on the stove. I felt accomplished.

I made rice krispies for on of the guys birthday he was very happy..

Well onto tomorrow...

Summer

Oh my it is awful weather. I can only imagine what Alabama is going to be like when we go next month.

The simplicity of a blueberry muffin.

I love my job but sometimes I can hate it. I guess you get that with any job.

I love the fact that somebody can love you so much. When he smiles at me or giggles, it just makes my day .